One of my Biggest Fears

“Acting like a church kid while addicted to pornography.” – Jefferson Bethke

One of my biggest fears is being double-sided. I fear of acting one way around one group of people and another way around another group of people. Or even just acting completely different when I’m all by myself–when only God can see what I’m doing. I would like to say that I am actively pursuing Christ. I would like to say that. But truthfully, the man I am when I’m alone is not always the same man when I’m with people. And often times the man I am solely depends on the people I’m with. This is a dangerous place to be–trapped in a perpetual change of personality. As Christians, we are called to be authentic. Not to say we don’t face problems. We do. However, I have noticed in my life and in the lives of many others that we often are made up of different layers. And the people we are around determines what layer we show. As in, ” I’ll drink with these people, but I wouldn’t dare even mention alcohol around these people.” Or, “I’ll worship Jesus with these people but be completely secular around these people.” If we’re Christians–if we are actively pursuing Christ–then we should act like it. What I’m not saying is that we should exclude ourselves from “sinners”. Hell, we’re all sinners (see what I did there?). The teenager who watches porn on Saturday night and then goes to church Sunday is no better than the teenager who had sex Saturday night and went to church Sunday. What I am saying is that we need to be authentic. We need to be honest. Not just with ourselves, but with other people. Because truthfully, we all struggle with some sort of sin. We as Christians are so quick to judge others, forgetting that the punishment for all sin is death and that Jesus actually spent most of his time with the “worst” of sinners. Sin is sin. The reason why so many reject Christianity is for the sole reason we are so quick to be hypocrites. We literally have become the Pharisees that Jesus despised. We are so quick to point out the piece of sawdust in one’s eye, yet don’t even recognize the plank of wood in our own. To be authentic is to be vulnerable.

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